MATCH REPORTS

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Round 3 – Marcellin Bald Eagles Maroon v St Kevins at Marcellin
College – Sunday 1 May

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Round 3 brought the SKOB Masters fossils to Marcellin’s pristine deck
at their College. This game was a week after our Round 1? game so it
was an uphill battle to recover the old rigs and tender soft tissues.
Thankfully there was enough magnesium salt baths, lavender and sage
candles, foam roller sessions, cold water therapy and massages to get
the lads up for this one. Round 3 also brough some new faces of
previous SKOBBERS – one being the SKOB legend Razor Ray Short saddling
up for the key position post in his best Dermie impersonation with the
Shorty strut. The next recruit was Main Man Josh Dempsey – the
bustling bronco originally from Truganina had bolted out from the
gates aka Rogan Josh style and the Class of 2000 skobbers (Sharky,
Dutch Oven and Sucos Marca) were all frothing to see what JD could
bring to the Masters table. The ultimate Detlef Schrempf look alike
Steel Sexton the whippet from Willy was jumping out of his skin in
anticipation to take on the wide wings of Marcellin. Fan favourite,
the Alan Jones of the yachting scene aka Spud head Oysters Jake
Ireland was also back in Masters colours. Absolutely fabulous Phil
Cameron was another of the Masters crew back to saddle up for 2022.
Finally, resurrected Jesus aka Lazarus Paul Holland was back ready for
selection from his near-death experience last week – it was a post
Easter miracle, and the team was absorbing the heavenly vibes in the
changerooms.

SKOB started the game like Rogan Josh out of the paddocks, full of
bounce and Krusty Giles and Dancin’ Rick were brutalising the packs
extracting the ball at will. The delivery was scintillating up forward
and Razor Ray was feasting like an all you can eat smorgasbord at
Bundoora Sizzler – don’t waste the appetite on the bread Razor was
guzzling sausage rolls – 2 in the first quarter if you don’t mind!
SKOB had the twin towers up forward bringing back scribe Shibba’s
nostalgia from the 90’s Spurs where the Admiral Dave Robinson#50 and
the Fundamental Tim Duncan#21 owned the paint and the titles in the
NBA. Schtick Lazarus Holland was providing the other tower with aerial
work that was rewarding the mid and half forward dominance of Dr Phil
Boyle who was barrelling through multiple contests, slicing and dicing
through congestion and creating havoc for Marcellin. Krusherman
Kruchel was continuing his early season form with another display of
gut running and showing that father time ain’t got nothing on this
rig. The man is the modern age version of Chuck Norris – Chuck Chris
Kruchel who has a diary – it’s called the Guinness Book of Records the
Benjamin Button of Masters. The last key play of the quarter was a
Marca fest – Lars spinning on a dime on half forward then lacing one
out to reward Sucos for his gut running 25 metres out. Sucos kicked
through it nicely showing some forward craft that his hapless Bombers
could take note of. Frank and his lawn bowls crew would have been
loving the Marca vibes at Marcellin. The quarter finished with the
home team surging forward, lucky the backline has a weapon called
SharkNation to repel with his fists of steel before the siren went.
SKOB up by 3 goals at the first break.

The second quarter was SKOB’s best as the team found their groove and
were waxing lyrically. Speaking of music the Dancin’ Beard sensation
had an absolute purple patch similar to his namesake Ricky Martin had
in the 90’s– he was all over it like Ricky at a San Juan Samba fest
with 3 goals in 10 minutes. Give him a call Truck Rutten and get him
in the don midfield he was scorching it up! He was definitely cashing
in from the solid tap work and follow up from Ray Shoesmith aka Mr In
Between i.e. Matt Kovess -  who was growing in stature with each ruck
contest. The forward line was getting the lion’s share of the ball and
Tim Handles O’Hanlon finished the mids work nicely with a major.
Barrel Boyle and Dancin’ Ricko had Beastmode Coach SOC almost at the
point of dialling 000 due to their severe case of leather poisoning in
the quarter.  Dr Phil Boyle was also finishing off his own work with
supreme class with a lovely running goal, Shae Bolton of the masters
Patty! Spudhead Ireland was relishing his time on the wing with his
trademark tough running getting him fit for his next tilt at the
Sydney to Hobart sailing race. Any Marcellin entries were getting sent
back by the Ministry of Defence with senior ministers El Presidente
Paddy Mount, Dutch Oven, and another Paddy aka the man that Tim Rogers
wrote the song ‘Purple Sneakers’ about Jo Kelly fortifying SKOB lines
with ruthless efficiency. The end of the half was a lot better outcome
this week than last game for Lazarus Hollandopoulos who was instead
more reflective of the AstroNaught of the Bulldogs, sans amazing
flowing mullet and hairband, with his aerial display. Schticky even
had his kicking boots on, much to the amusement of younger brother
Dutch Oven and Barrel Boyle! Score at the main break SKOB up by 7
goals.

Half time brought SOC working with M Sull – aka the brother of “I’m
not Mick” Dan Sull – to move some magnets around to get some players
into the game – Shark into the midfield and forward line, Ring the
Till and HiiMan into the forward line, and the bustling Bronco Rogan
Josh Demps in the ruck ... apparently he might have had some training
in that over the years from Demps Snr. The second half started with JD
showing off some fine tap work down the gullet of Chuck Norris
Krusher, who is so tough he even kills your imaginary friends. Morzy
was presenting well on the forward line and creating spillage and
that’s where Detlef Steelos dominates by speeding through opposition
tackles to slam one home … crafty work by the wizard on the wing!
Sharky was loving the wide expanses of half forward and midfield,
leading to a seamless interplay with Barrel Boyle feeding the hungry
tiger who had 2 goals in the quarter and plenty of highlights from the
game. Ring the Till was showing some grunt around the stoppages and
tackling hard. At the last change of ends SKOB was up by 10 goals with
Coach SOC grinning like a Cheshire cat at the teamwork shown across
each SKOB line.

The last quarter Hiiman provided some light relief up forward with his
attempt at 20 metres not making the distance, back to the men’s
department beefcake!! The Willy Wizard Steelos was creating havoc on
the wings with his run and Absolutely Fabulous Phil Cameron was
finding space up forward and presenting different angles like
pythagorus to open up the forward 50. This led to another goal for
Lazarus Schtick, the reborn forward! The highlight of the last quarter
was Ring the Till’s multiple efforts on the back flank, resembling #25
Shane Biggs with his 7 efforts right in front of the coach’s bench in
the last few minutes of the game. Inspiring work by the timber
industry titan! Sucos Marca ran the game out well in response to Coach
SOCs bake before the game. Main man JD finished off his debut with
solid work around the ground bringing many smiles to his adoring fans
on the Masters bench. As the siren sounded SKOB finished 10 goal
winners back on the right side of the ledger with a great team
performance throughout each quarter.

Next game we see SKOB take on our rivals DLS in what should be a
cracker jack fixture with the Big Rig the Statue of South Oz SANFL
scene Glenn Sando back. DLS backline have been a foetal position since
hearing this given his dominance of them last year. Good signs at TH
King for SKOB Masters and this week’s song is dedicated to Ring the
Till Glen Tilling who not only put his body on the line multiple times
throughout the game in crazy fashion but also became a team sponsor by
putting his wallet on the line too !! Cheers Ring it with Prince’s
classic – Let’s go Crazy best illustrating your crazy work in the
fourth quarter.

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https://youtu.be/svqYueRzAh0

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Glen tells me it was his go to song at Daisy's over 28's in Ringwood
.. no one could resist the sultry moves of the Till back in the day to
this banger

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Marcellin Bald Eagles Maroon   1.0-6     2.0-12   4.1-25                 6.3-39

St Kevins                                      4.2-26   8.9-57  13.11-89             15.12-102

ST KEVINS

Goal Kickers: P. Holland 3, R. Caldow 3, P. Boyle 3, S. Sexton 2, R.
Short 2, T. O''Hanlon, B. Marchesani

Best Players: C. Kuchel, T. O''Hanlon, P. Boyle, P. Holland, R.
Caldow, B. Marchesani

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St Kevins v De La Salle – Sunday 24 April at Waverley Oval

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2022 has brought us many curveballs and finally the SKOB Masters had
got enough players up to take on their adversaries De La Salle (DLS)
at their fortress – site of our epic win there in 2021 before the
season was cut short due to the dreaded Wuhan Mario and Lugi bat flu.
El Presidente Paddy Mount, Skipper Delicious Dancing Rick Martine
Caldow and Gerard “Dutch Oven” Holland had done a power of recruiting
to get this team up and running for this year so big thanks for this
!! Dutch Oven was even seen distributing SKOB Masters flyers at his
local F45 and international intern events ... the man can network like
no other. Congratulations to Dancing on the skipper gong .. filling in
the big shoes of the new Presidente of SKOB Paddy Mount – big congrats
to the Gel Haired one. All the big social movers come out of SKOB
Masters ..

We had 7 new players to SKOB Masters great to see some new blood in
the fossil ranks and some familiar faces from previous SKOB winning
teams:

-          Lachlan “Krusty” Giles

-          Matt “Mr In-between” Kovess

-          Jack “Goalsneak” Mullen

-          Matt “Hollywood” Murphy

-          Tim “Handles” O’Hanlon

-          Cash “No Cash here” Roberts

-          Dan “I’m not Mick” Sullivan

-          Calvin “Klein / Mark of” Cain

Thanks to all those that volunteered on the day including Lars Marca’s
boys and the future bull of Masters from the Dutch Oven clan aka
Dangerous Damo Holland on the H20s. Great to see Frank the Tank Marca
working the rooms too, he had been missing the pre-game tunes of DJ
Sharky shark funk experience – hope you enjoyed them Franky. Felt
great to be back amongst the lads ready to tear it up for season 2022.

The game started with Mr In-between thrusting himself into ruck duties
providing a hard contest in the middle where Krusty was getting in and
under, obviously taking cues from Captain Courageous Caldow and
challenging DLS’ mids. The first quarter was a low scoring affair
where defence was paramount and that’s when Paddy Presidente Mount and
Dave Shark Nation Makohon are most at home with the Ministry of
Defence shoring up SKOB borders tighter than a Rhys Arnott hamstring
(hope to see you back on the field soon Warrior !!!) Krusherman
Kruchel had put in a large body of work over the pre-season with the
U23’s and this showed with the Krush in everything in the first
quarter putting his body on the line on numerous occasions. Calvin
‘Mark of’ Cain (killer alternative band of the 90’s) was prominent
early providing some rebound off the half back, showing that Richmond
Central is a football factory for SKOB Masters. SKOB had a lot of the
play in the first quarter however could not convert their
opportunities – the lack of cohesion was expected from a lot of new
players in the front half – WD40 on that forward craft and it will
come. Schtick Holland was presenting hard with new blood Jack Mullen
also providing DLS with some headaches however SKOB were unlucky with
Jack’s dribbler going the other side of the goal post. Score at the
first break was SKOB down by 7 points with DLS scoring a goal late in
the quarter.

Second quarter showed a SKOB outfit with a lot more flair and run than
the first. No Cash here Roberts was more like Neville Bartos at
Bojangles ... absolutely flying around the packs and giving SKOB
plenty of looks up forward. The level intensified when the Flash
Landers got around the pill, the soft tissue muscles were holding up
for this weapon and his presence around half forward was impactful.
This led to SKOB opening their account for 2022 with a Captain’s
running goal from the San Juan Puertican sensation Rickie Martinez
Caldow. This was answered by DLS piling on two goals despite the great
efforts of Handles O’Hanlon putting the clamps on DLS’ forward Snoopy
and Dutch Oven burning up the back flank. SKOB needed a spark in the
second quarter and who else but Beast Mode Boyle ... throwing himself
around packs and geeing up the team with his trademark kamikaze
attack. Hollywood Murphy was flashing around the midfield and showing
his class with some sharp delivery up forward. As a result of
Hollywood’s fine drizzles up forward Beast mode Boyle latched onto one
around half forward to duly salute with a smooth finish through the
big sticks. Unfortunately, DLS were up for the fight and immediately
answered to be up by 2 goals approaching the end of the quarter. All
this was obviously too much for Dutchman Snr aka Schtickman ... who
might have had one too many glitter bombs over the ANZAC weekend ...
and had a couple of zzz’s on the forward flank to close out the half.
Thankfully, he completed a Lazarus and awoke from his slumber all the
better from the shut eye. Or was he representing the Julian calendar,
completing an REM and losing his religion to another denomination,
converting his name to Hollandopoulos and completing a resurrection on
Greek Orthodox Easter Sunday? Either way it was heartwarming to see
the sleek rig of Schtick arise.

Coach Beast SOC was inspiring the players with his messaging of extra
run, talk and getting around our teammates with hard blocks and tough
tackles at the main break. SKOB’s legs weren’t matching our will
despite the tough pack work of Franks’ crew Nick “Lars” Marca and
younger brother Ben “Sucos” Marca, who was battling jetlag after his
Catalonian expedition. The opposition mids were finding plenty of
space and pushing forward at a wave of knots. They did find some
resistance from Chris Morzy Morz in unfamiliar territory down back,
assisting Shibba Mako, Andy Hardman Hiiman and Barrel man Boyle to
pressurise the constant DLS forward flow. Krusherman was continuing to
tackle hard and work with No Cash Roberts who was everywhere in this
quarter taking out his frustration with a sling tackle to let DLS know
they weren’t getting it all their way. This ensued in a forward line
thrust against the play that Goalsneak Mullen turned into a sausage
roll to open his Masters account. Ring the Till Glen had taken some
inspiration from Krusher’s work with some able support for Mr
Inbetweener in the ruck however DLS mids were feasting on their
tougher run. The quarter ended with SKOB down by 7 goals and a
mountain to climb in the last.

The last quarter was a tighter affair and brought some muscle from the
MMA fighter Hiiman flexing his solid rig to stop another DLS forward
charge. The midfield pressure was also up with Dan Sull pushing
through old man hammy strains to close down space and hit hard around
the contests. The men’s department were continuing to battle against
the flow of the game with Mark of Cain and El Presidente rebounding
and linking well, and Cash Roberts were continuing his strong midfield
form. Goalsneak Mullen added another SKOB goal to his ledger with
another crispy finish. It was a spirited last quarter from SKOB and
gave these old legs a great workout. Unfortunately, it wasn’t to be
with DLS ending the game 9 goal winners. SKOB will hopefully welcome
back some old warriors after the Easter/ANZAC Day break ready for
Marcellin this week. It was a good cobweb blow out however more
conditioning and fitness is required to challenge the better teams in
this competition – onwards and upwards from here. Maybe see Cash
Roberts at F45 Armidale for some choice rig work for season 2022?

                             Q1                       Q2
         Q3                        Q4

St Kevins             0.2 – 2                 2.2 – 14   3.3 – 21               4.4 - 28

De La Salle          1.3 – 9                 4.5 -  29  10.6 - 66              13.8 - 86

Goal Kickers: J. Mullen 2, P. Boyle, R. Caldow
Best Players: C. Kuchel, D. Makohon, C. Roberts, T. O’Hanlon, P. Boyle, C. Cain